Day 1

So here we are. Finally. Starting this blog has been something I have wanted to do for a long time, for myself and to create some accountability.

I am a 45 year old mother of five beautiful children from the ages of 8 to 23. I have a wonderful partner and we have been doing life together for just over 11 years now!

I live in Melbourne, Australia and am constantly dreaming of a sea change to somewhere warm, we are really hoping to make this our reality in the next couple of years.

I currently work as a Midwife and I wish I could say that I love my career however after 12 years I am burnt out and no longer enjoy the career I fought so desperately hard to achieve.

I am currently studying to become a Naturopath and this is requiring a HUGE leap of faith for me, which I will go into more detail about as we go along.

Finally the reason for starting this blog. My weight. I am currently weighing in at 110.7 kilograms or 244 pounds or 17 stone 4. Whichever unit of measurement you use at 161cm or 5'2 tall it makes my morbidly obese with a current BMI of 42.7.

I desperately need to lose weight, I have been suffering from foot pain for over 12 months now and have been diagnosed with planter fascitis. I was also diagnosed with no alcohol fatty liver disease last year.

I struggle to participate in life anymore, I have built my life around staying at home, I try and avoid anything that takes me out of my comfort zone. I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, with periods of it being so bad I would have panic attacks almost daily. Thankfully for the most part it is currently under control. I don't want to go places, go on holidays, travel on an airplane, because what if the seatbelt wont fit? And even if I did build up the courage to go somewhere I struggle to walk, my thighs rub together horribly and out of breath. I know that this is no way to live however I feel trapped.

I am addicted to food. Anything that is unhealthy. I can't stop eating and never feel satisfied. I have tried every single diet you can think of, some of them multiple times. I have come to the realisation that it isn't necessarily the diet, although yes they are all unsustainable in the longterm, the reality is any of them would work if I showed some consistency for my than three weeks...

Even as I sit here now and write this blog entry I remain undecided on how I am going to go forward. My brain tells me I need a diet and a structured plan and do this much exercise and blah blah blah. However after so many failed attempts I think I am going to simply start eating less of the unhealthy processed food, add in more whole foods, drink more water and move my body more. I just can't bear the idea of calorie counting or signing up to another fad diet right now.

So this is where I will start and will aim to continue to post as much as I can to build my accountability and hopefully a community a long the way.